Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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