Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
