i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
