oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
