So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And then my night got REAL pukey
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
