Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she smelled like a LAN party
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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