Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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