Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
