Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
