I must be too annoying 4 u.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
