Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
