I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
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