Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
