I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
