New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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