Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
