we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
