There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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