You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize