Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
