make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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