You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
