also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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