VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
