I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize