Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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