Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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