please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
