who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
