wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
