i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
