i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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