he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
