I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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