I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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