You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
