i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
