roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
