matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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