I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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