dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
