True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize