John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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