Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I sprained my soul last night
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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