ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
