maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
