I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
