Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
