I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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