I think I won the penis lottery.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
