Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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