Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
