i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
