saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
