I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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