Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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