he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize