my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
