wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
