If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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