SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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