that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
