We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
