He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
