im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize