I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
