Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
