I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
