Can Purell be used as lube?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
