It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
