GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
