Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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