We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
