You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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