It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize