I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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