Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
