If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
it was like eating out sand paper
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
