Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
