Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
