I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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