So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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