man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
