Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize