let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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