I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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