If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
